so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize