Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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