EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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