Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
