people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize