im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
