at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
