Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
