What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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