I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
In America we eat man semen.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize