This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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