Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
