My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
