wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
