he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
accomplished twins. life is a go
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
