My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
