He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize