i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
