You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
