Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
