he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
