just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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