After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
