You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
