honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
