I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Who died my cat blue again?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
