Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
