I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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