She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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