How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
