she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
