oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
