The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
