Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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