When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
