Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
