Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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