Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
