wrigley field is MILF paradise
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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