franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
