youre lurking in front of me
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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