Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
