tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
