You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
