Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
