But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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