he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
