I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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