The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
