How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
