I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
