I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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