THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
