I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize