Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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