i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize