how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
