Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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