return my video game
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
