mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
