how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
