Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize