Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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