Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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