i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize