There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
