You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
