So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
