: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
